We are back in COLD Canberra. It was a warm (comparatively) 3 degrees this morning, so Dave decided to go to work on his motorbike!  He hasn’t been to work for well over a week, so he was pretty happy that he was up to going in. He is definitely not as well as he was a fortnight ago at the same stage in the cycle, but well enough to feel useful by going to work.

I cannot tell you how truly fantastic it has been to receive so much support from family and friends over the last few months. From little things like a phone message that turns up just at the right time, to bigger things, like looking after my animals for a week whilst Will is working away (Thanks Harry Pascoe!)

As I said a couple of days ago, when I have had a friend who has been going through a hard time, I have often wondered what is the most useful thing to do to help.

Everybody has different circumstances and different experiences. My thoughts and preferences may be very different to others, but here are a few of my thoughts on what we have found helpful.

Small things are good. A ‘like’ on a Facebook post, a brief comment on this blog, a phone message saying simply ‘thinking of you’ or ‘we are praying for you’. Things that take less than a minute, but show support, can really be helpful.

Practical assistance is defiantly great! I loved that Dave’s friends had him around for afternoon tea and invited other friends. I also loved that they sent the leftover cake home with him (yum). A gift for me from a work friend of winter warm wool socks from New Zealand was a real hit! (which interestingly are raising funds in the wake of the NZ earthquakes)

People doing things for my kids is actually my favourite form of assistance. A tray of lasagne, made for Will by a team mate in his cricket team (even though we are in footy season) was incredibly welcome.  Apart from the fact that he loves lasagna, it not only saved me cooking for him, but also showed him that he is cared for and being thought about too. Seeing your Dad sick is very challenging for both of them.

Hugs are very high on my list of favourite things, even when times are good! Last Monday, I dropped in at work because there was a business line meeting and I happened to be in Wagga. For those non-TAFEies reading this, I am part of the ‘Business, Arts and Service Industries’ (BASI) business line which covers about 1/3 of the areas we teach in our Institute. I manage the ‘Arts and Service Industries’ part of the business line and the meeting was for all our full-time staff – about 100 or so of them. I only stayed for the coffee on arrival and welcome part of the meeting – but managed to get at least 30 hugs whilst I was there. A good hug can be the perfect way to express your thoughts or  feelings towards another when you cant find the right words. I may have said it before, I know, but I work with the most amazing people, who know me so well and knew that a hug would be just what I needed.

There’s nothing like hard times to make you realize how important your family are. I learnt this well and truly when my Mum died 4 years ago and we became even closer than we already were. They are being incredibly helpful now; from daily phone calls from Dad (to both me and the kids) to having my kids over to dinner (Bek has Will in Wagga and Trina has Victoria in Sydney)  They are also the ones willing to be on the end of a teary phone call when I’m feeling down.

This road is a bit of a long one, so the other thing I really appreciate is peoples sustained support. It’s nice to know you haven’t been forgotten. If you’re wanting to help a friend who’s doing it tough, remember to keep going with it, don’t just send a message or do something at the start. Illnesses, grief, marriage breakdowns, depression… whatever the difficulty – they can all last a very long time, so remember to keep up the support. I have one particular friend who calls Dave on a certain night each week, without fail. He now looks forward to Wednesdays nights!

As I said earlier, everyone is different. But I really wanted to say thank you to everyone who is supporting us right now. And if your reading this blog – then that is YOU!

I’m up to 1700 step today and just saw that Victoria is already up to 3000. I’d better keep  going on my walk. I might have stopped too early for my coffee break 😉

Signing off now from the best café in Canberra – Penny University. Try it if you are ever in the area!

(ps – Recipes are up on the website for last weeks ABC radio segment on polenta – click here)